The lucky ones

This day was made for us and not just because we have Irish triplets but that's a good reason too. 

March 17, 2017 didn’t feel so lucky. I woke up that morning to get ready for work and I was covered in blood. I immediately started panicking because blood is not what you want to see when you are trying to get pregnant or pregnant and to be frankly honest, I kinda don’t ever like to see it! I especially wasn’t expecting to see blood because we had recently transferred 2 PERFECT embryos and I desperately wanted them to take. Plus, in our previous embryo transfer failures I wouldn’t even start bleeding until several days after I stopped all the meds. This wasn’t supposed to happen!! That morning I kept praying and begging God to save the babies, and at the very least just one. I was a wreck. I felt like I was choking all day at work barely able to keep it together.

I called our fertility clinic because that’s what you are supposed to do when you start bleeding unexpectedly. The nurses were straightforward and as understanding as they could be given the fact that they deal with these situations everyday. I explained my symptoms and they told me it was an ominous sign. What a clinical word for what felt like an earth shattering situation. I wasn’t ready to hear what I already knew, so stretching for some ray of hope I asked what exactly she meant by the word ominous. I kinda chuckle at this part now because it was like I was trying to find a loophole in the conversation and somehow that would  change the outcome of the situation. Anyway, later that day I went in for an exam and blood test to confirm that it was indeed an ominous sign. My plea to God to save the babies or at least one baby wasn’t answered. I needed to know why. In my head there HAD to be a reason. And there was a reason I just didn’t know it yet. My doctor believed it was because we used a different kind of progesterone which wasn’t effective in my body causing the miscarriage...super rare but I went with it because I needed an answer. The nurses kindly asked if we needed some time before scheduling our next cycle, they offered a start date several months away. My normal self would have wanted to give my body some time between the drugs and shots but I found myself NEEDING to start immediately. So we literally started that next day. The cycle was going as planned, we decided to implant 2 embryos again and a few weeks later we found ourselves getting cautiously excited (it takes some time to recover emotionally from fertility failure and after years of fails you get a little numb to the excitement and cautious with expectations).

Then we got an email from our adoption agency, asking if we could meet an expectant mom *tomorrow* and our world froze. I recently watched beauty and the beast and the line “there is something there that wasn’t there before”... keeps going through my mind. The emails and phone calls to our agency were different this time. There was something there that wasn’t there before! One sleepless night later we shared lunch with someone who would change our lives forever. We left our lunch date with a verbal agreement that we were going to be adopting a baby! No words can describe how we felt that day. Elated is maybe is the closest. That night the reality hit and we needed to make a BIG decision and make it fast. Were we going to proceed with our ivf transfer? If so, one or two embryos? The decision wasn’t hard. We knew we wanted to stick with the plan and transfer 2 embryos. It just felt right and of course in our wildest dreams we never would have guessed that the adoption plus both embryos would have all worked! 

Skipping forward to March 2019. I’ve now had a year and a half to watch these three become best friends. Juniper leans in to give Bryce a hug when he is crying, after gently sticking his binky in his mouth. The boys are laughing and lean in to give each other big juicy open mouth kisses. Brooks claps for Juniper, they all three look at each other and are laughing for some secret sibling reason that I’m not privy to. One of them pops their head out from around the corner and says “boo!” It's all my kind of candy! My soul sings and bursts with joy every day because I love these three so much.
There was purpose in the timing of our family growing failures and successes.
I didn’t see it then but I see it now. Had the March 2017 failure been a success we probably wouldn’t have had the opportunity to adopt Juniper. If my prayers to save “even one” would have been answered we wouldn’t have had the boys and Juniper... That day 2 years ago didn’t feel very lucky but it was lucky in a way I couldn’t see at the time. Now I get to enjoy my lucky charms everyday and I’ll always feel like March 17 was made for us. Gods timing for answering prayers has blessed my life over and over again. Many times it’s not until years later that I see the wisdom and the blessings. Even still I scratch my head at a few life events but I’ll keep waiting patiently (or as patiently as a mortal minded person can) watching for the rainbows after the storm because God is good.