The triple scooop! A little Q&A
We’ve received such a positive response from our last post and also lots of questions about how everything came to be so here are some more details for you :)
1. Your Pregnant- it’s a miracle!
Yes, I’m pregnant and yes it is a miracle because the more I learn about what it takes to make a baby, the more I see it as a down right miracle that it ever works! BUT I didn’t just spontaneously become pregnant with twins. Nope. The twins were a group effort through IVF.
2. Which came first, the adoption match or your pregnancy?
The adoption match came first but not by much. In fact, we verbally matched just 2 days before our scheduled IVF transfer. Of course we didn’t know immediately that it worked, we found out 10 days later that my blood work was high. I think the nurses exact words were, “your blood work came back positive- congratulations, you’re pregnant!” Me: “wait what? Are you serious?” Her: “Yes! Your labs were REALLY REALLY high.” I always pictured myself becoming overcome with emotions, crying because I was so happy etc. That wasn’t quite how things went. I was more stunned than anything. Definitely excited but nothing felt real yet so it was more of a good dream feeling. After the blood work we waited another two weeks before the viability ultrasound and lo and behold there were two heart beats. Again thinking I would be overcome with emotion if I ever made it to this point and again thinking, is this real? I don’t look pregnant, feel pregnant, never thought I would be pregnant and now they are saying they can hear two heartbeats inside me??? This is crazy town!!
3. Does the expectant mom know your pregnant?
Of course. As soon as we found out we were pregnant we knew we needed to tell her. We always want our relationship to be based on trust and we realize this was a big deal and a possible game changer. We really wanted to tell her in person but the agency wouldn’t let us. It turned out to be an emotionally charged couple days as we waited to hear what she decided. All we were told was that she didn’t take it well and she needed time and she didn’t want us to reach out to her. Of course we were panicking, crying, and praying a lot. We were much more emotionally vested into the adoption than we were with the pregnancy and it felt like our hands were tied because we couldn’t actually talk to her. Everything ended up turning out OK and she has been really supportive of the situation. She truly is a gem of a person.
4. This always happens…you adopt and then get pregnant because you were more relaxed! (lots of versions of this question/comment have come up)
Well no, not exactly. It might happen a lot but I assure you it doesn’t ALWAYS happen. It happened for us though and I can assure you it didn’t happen because I was less stressed. I was WAY more stressed going into this IVF transfer than any other transfer. Why? I had more to lose. If it worked would our expectant mom change her mind? If it didn’t work then that was two more embryos down the drain. Christian and I felt like we should still proceed and the prospect of it working and having 2 or 3 babies at a time scared us, but so did the thought of losing the match that had just been made. We felt at peace in proceeding with the IVF transfer and continue to feel that peace as we prepare our hearts and home for these three littles.
5. Why are you still going to adopt if you are pregnant now….Isn’t two enough?
Please someone restrain me from scratching your eyes out. This is majorly offensive. Adoption isn’t our second choice. It’s not a backup plan we had because we couldn’t get pregnant. It’s not second rate. ROAR! HISS! I realize not everyone shares the same views as us but for heaven sakes keep your thoughts to yourself, I never remember asking for your opinion. To everyone else that actually cares, I remember several times feeling a spiritual confirmation that we would be growing our family through adoption. We’ve also felt that we needed to continue with infertility treatments. So we acted in faith and this is the result. We are over the moon!
6. Are you nervous that the adoption won’t go through?
Sure. That thought crosses our minds every once in a while. Its normal to think about this as a form of self-protection, it’s a natural thought that comes with the territory and it’s definitely still a possibility. The baby is not our baby yet. Do we love her? Absolutely! Do we want this adoption to go through? More than anything in the world. We also have a deep and profound respect and love for our expectant mother and realize she has the right to change her mind. Often my heart hurts for her as I think about the decision she will have to make. As we have traveled this adoption path I’ve come to realize that adoption is the most selfless decision a mother can make. In that decision, she takes upon herself the pain, she makes a choice that she feels benefits someone else more than herself. I can’t fully understand what she might be going through I just keep praying that Christian and I will know what to do so support her.
7. Is this adoption going to be open or closed?
8. Are you OK with it being open?
YES! We feel so blessed that the adoption will be open. I’m grateful that things have changed and open is more of the new normal. There are so many reasons we want an open adoption and we absolutely love our expectant mom. I couldn’t have dreamed up a better situation. This adoption journey has been full of unexpected blessings and one of those has been getting to know our expectant mom. She is a beautiful soul and you better believe that we want her to be part of our lives.
9. How is your pregnancy going?
Rough, emotional, surreal …everything that the adoption hasn’t been. I’ll probably post another time about this but overall it’s getting better. My heart is softening a bit and allowing myself to feel more excited and connected. I’ve built some brick walls around my heart with the pregnancy thing and tearing them down has been harder than I thought it would be…probably explains the whole stunned feelings and no tears at appointments.
10. How are you guys going to make it?
Not sure exactly what ‘make it’ means- maybe survive? We plan to keep things simple for a while and focus on the kids and ourselves. We will take things one day at a time. Stay tuned :)
11. You have no idea what you are getting yourselves into.
We know that we don’t know. Thanks though. We also don’t have anything to compare this to so it will quickly become our new norm.
12. Are you going to move home?
Maybe the sanest thing to do at this point. I think both our moms would probably like this but we are planning on staying put. I bet there will be moments when we wish our moms were there to take care of us. I keep you in the loop if we change our minds :)
Thanks for reading! We are on our final count down for this baby girl!! This is new territory for us and we don't know exactly what to expect. Lots of people have asked what we need, and at this point we need prays. Lot and lots of prayers. Prayers for a safe delivery, prayers that the spirit will be there to guide and comfort. Prayers mostly for our expectant mom as she prepares to do something so brave that most of the world cannot relate to.
9/21/2017 09:32:28 am
Snookie, this was a joy to read! This Nana is Very excited for these precious lil ones to join our family!
9/21/2017 10:45:54 am
Well said Chelsey..I love your openness...we are sure praying for you guys!
9/21/2017 11:49:47 am
Chelsey, Thanks for sharing. We are so excited & happy for all of you!
9/21/2017 12:43:59 pm
Oh Chelsey, I love this more than I can express! Thank you for sharing your thoughts and feelings. I am in tears. Love, love,love you, Christian, your birth mom, and this special little trio of babes. 💗
9/21/2017 01:01:50 pm
Very nicely put! I'm soooo excited for you all.
9/21/2017 09:46:46 pm
That was so beautiful and honest! We love you and are so happy for you! We will definitely keep you in our prayers!
9/22/2017 08:20:11 am
AHHHH!! I'm SOOOO excited for you guys. Okay, seriously - twins are crazy insane, but you will LOVE it. It's almost like you're going to have triplets! How FUN! We didn't know what we were doing with our twinners either (we still don't - ha!), but I love what you said about taking it one day at a time. That's TOTALLY what you have to do. You'll just figure it out as you go. I would LOVE to chat with you some time soon - face to face! We'll have to figure out a time when we can do that (especially since I won't be able to make your shower!) :( Love and hugs to you and your special babes!
9/22/2017 10:01:55 am
I love you both so much, and I'm so excited for you. This is huge, huge news, and hugely exciting! Thank you for sharing the details with us. Everyone who loves you wants to know all about it! Sending prayers and love and wishes for every blessing. If anyone can do this, it's you!
9/22/2017 10:15:04 am
You are amazing and loved reading this! You are going to be such an incredible, kind, caring, KICK BUTT MAMA!! I don't think any of us moms know what we are doing it and are in survival mode and if anyone can handle three new borns it is you! So so excited to see where this journey takes you and Christian!
10/15/2017 10:55:01 am
Chelsey you did a great job expressing your thoughts. I have no doubt this is going to be hard. You are a strong couple with great set of values and come from a strong line. We love you both and are more than thrilled for u
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